Wednesday 4 May 2011

The "Perfect" Country

I've returned from the Homeland full of Taco Bell, happily looking at my bank statement reflecting the fabulous exchange rate, imagining how "perfect" a country would be if we meshed the US (or Colorado in particular) and England....

 
The perfect country would have wide roads and high speed limits and gas stations would have the little flippy latchy things that can hold the gas nozzel handle down to save my hand muscles the pain of filling up an empty tank.

After I had a full tank (oh, and everyone would call it gas) I would drive on the left side of the car on the right side of the road to a Target with a large parking lot which would be next to a pub which is next to another pub and a Toby Carvery that sold roast dinners complete with Yorkshire pudding and cheesey creamy dippy appetizers served by overly friendly waitstaff who almost have you convinced that they give a crap about your dinner. 

Don't feel like driving?  No problem - the perfect country would have a fantastic rail network that would take you to all the charming villages, up to the mountains with surprising snow and on nights out that would end in Denny's breakfasts. 

If we got sick, we'd have easy access to Nyquil and Codine, or if we couldnt fix ourselves, we'd be treated by friendly doctors who wouldn't charge us a dime and make us feel like we were worth more than five minutes of their time.  

We'd enjoy over 20 days of vacation without guilt and spend sunny Bank Holidays and Federal Holidays drinking Pimms Slurpees along side ploughman's lunches and Monster Munch in beer gardens that always had table service

:sigh:

Oh yes. It would be perfect. 


PS. Red is US and Blue is England.  Clever, eh? 

17 comments:

  1. A perfect country, indeed!

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  2. I love it!!!

    The only thing I might add would be that the restaurants would offer free refills on soft drinks and iced tea and wouldn't set the bill on your table while you were still eating.

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  3. Wow, gold star for you! A stroke of brilliance! And why aren't there flippy latches for the gas nozzle? I have that thought every two weeks, Welcome 'home'!

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  4. Yes. Yes. Yes. A thousand yeses! A perfect country indeed.

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  5. Sounds like bliss! Can you organize it soon please?

    Best wishes,
    Natasha.

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  6. Oh you're good! Pimms Slurpees? Count me in!

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  7. Sounds like a good combination. Beware of Monster Munch, though - it is addictive!

    Paul
    http://fromsheeptoalligators.blogspot.com/

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  8. I would move there in a heartbeat!

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  9. This sounds like perfection indeed. Pimms Slurpees? Yes please! P.S. This is the third time this week I've heard about Monster Munch. Looks like it's time for a trip to the "supermarket". (Every time I say grocery store in the UK I get teased. ;)

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  10. I just returned from a trip to visit my fiancee (who is from North Wales) and this post describes the differences and "best of both worlds" so well! I am going to share your post with my blog readers.

    Cheers!

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  11. Hahaha this is such a clever commentary!! I love it. Pimms Slurpees...brilliant!! I think you had better slap a patent on that one, it sounds like a beverage craze waiting to happen.
    I just found your blog recently and it's awesome to read about another fellow expat from America to England! I'm subscribing to I can read more! :)
    Take care,
    Amanda
    http://amandamolly.blogspot.com/

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  12. I am so glad you linked this for Post Of The Month Club. I just love it so :) XOL

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  13. OH my goodness, I just love this! I am an expat living in France, but I can definitely still relate! So happy to meet you, cant wait to read along!

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  14. You are so funny! Everything sounds good except I can do without Denny's. LOL

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  15. LOVE this post!! I agree with you 100%! :) I'm an American Expat from Minnesota living in the UK. Totally love this post! And now if we just didn't have to take a flippin' driving test!!!! Mine's tomorrow! SO STRESSED OUT! :)

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  16. Best of luck MNUK. I was certain I was going to have an panic attack at the beginning of my driving test, but honestly it was a billion times easier than I anticipated. Fingers crossed for you!

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