Introducing: Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer

Remember when I introduced you to talk show host extraordinaire Jeremy Kyle?   I surely can't have you thinking that British "celebrities" can only be enjoyed on the sofa during weekday mornings! Once you've either got a job or found things other than daytime television to occupy your time, you will need something to watch in the evenings, right? 

May I suggest Relocation, Relocation. It's kind of like House Hunters which you may have watched in America, but is hosted by the Lord and Lady of Real Estate, Phil Spencer and Kirstie Allsopp.

Vitals:
Kirstie - Born 31 August 1971 in London (Hampstead); skipped University and spent some time in India teaching English before focusing on interior design and ultimately moving on to TV work.  Never married (has long term partner) with two children and two step children. 

Phil - Born 11 December 1969  in Kent; was headboy at the uppity Uppingham school, started home finding company that spawned Relocation, Relocation and it's sister show Location, Location, Location; married once (current); two children

Phil and Kirstie

Relationships With Other "Celebrities": None for either of them, I'm afraid.... unless you, like me, think the two of them are having a lurid affair!

Best Scandal: The word "scandal" is a definite stretch with these goody two-shoes. Unfortunately for our gossip hungry eyes, Phil has been extremely successful at keeping his personal life very private. Kirstie, however, has a big mouth and once said that children shouldn't have homework, apparently has chased someone down for throwing litter out of their car and started a minor Twitter feud with another TV presenter over the length of her skirt ("It’s debatable whether that’s a skirt or not – hard to take her seriously," Kirstie said.)  Oh, and her brother is/was "friendly" with Courtney Love. 

That's a Bit Strange: Kirstie's father is former chairman of Christie's (you know, the auction house?) Charles Henry Allsopp otherwise known as 6th Baron Hindlip, which entitles her to use the title "The Honourable Kirstie Allsopp". Fancy fancy!  Also, Kath Kidston is her cousin.

Coming to America?  It doesnt look like it.  Both would struggle on the property side since their knowledge is focused on UK real estate. Although, Phil has been doing a show in Australia, so never say never.

Watch them in action in an "Embarrassing bits" special.

..but the actor is British

Sorry to labour the point, but as further proof of the argument presented in my last post... Take a look at this advert airing in the UK for the new season of House...

Seriously?  A trailer which focuses on the actor's nationality rather than the quality of the show itself?  That's what's going to urge Brits to watch the show?

Woe is me.

Enquiring minds want to know: Why the Orange Face?

The difficulty with writing a blog which often points out "differences" between two places is that (as most expats soon find out with surprising disappointment) one can only live in one place at a time. When I notice something that seems unusual or new, I often assume it is unique to Britain, when I really have no way of knowing since I no longer know the current goings-on in America. (Note to future expats: the day you realize this is probably the topic of a whole other, much more useful post, so let's not dwell too much on that at the moment).

Here's the thing... any readers outside the UK, can you please tell me - have your towns and cities also been invaded by Oompa Loompas?

Willy and his Oompas

I can only speak for Southern England, but the Oompa Loompas are everywhere!

There seems to be a fashion statement trending for girls of a certain age (seems like maybe teens to late-twenties) to wear orange make up. Its not just fake tan, its seriously orange foundation and bronzer that often doesnt match their neck, and is generally accompanied by lighter-than-nude lips and mascara that would make Tammy Faye Baker take a second look (if she can see through those globby eyelashes of hers).

I can't seem to post the photo due to copywrite issues, but you can see a fashion victim here.

What is this!? Do they know they look like this?  I demand to know where these girls' mothers/aunts/older sisters/etc are to teach them the fine art of matching the proper foundation shade to your skin tone and blending evenly past your jaw line. Is this a failure of British female role models or a global problem?

Either way, I'm certainly not the first to notice. Sometime last year, just when I started to think it was me - maybe I'm too old, maybe I'm not cool, maybe skin tone matching makeup is so last year - I was introduced to POD (the Personal Overhaul Device) and Snog Marry Avoid, a BBC show which takes overly made-up girls (and sometimes boys) and gives them a make-under to reveal their "natural beauty", all while taking jabs at their shabby make up application and dreadful overall apperance. Quality televion.  Highly recommended viewing.

Oh and if you are a young girl who even for a split second mistook that Oompa Loompa photo for a "girls night out" pic on your Facebook, Auntie Lady Liberty suggests a quick viewing of this Ehow video and Loreal True Match Liquid Foundation (not the roll on stuff, but the liquid in a bottle). It's good stuff. 

George v Cheryl

Disclaimer:  I am not at all implying this is a cultural, UK v US difference, just a Cheryl Cole v George Clooney difference. 

Pop Quiz: What do George Clooney and Cheryl Cole have in common?

No, George hasnt punched a bathroom attendant and been charged with racially aggravated assault, and "The Nation's Sweetheart", Cheryl certainly hasn't won any humanitarian awards, but they both have contracted malaria and spoken to Piers Morgan about it.

After seeing George's interview, I couldn't help but notice the juxtaposition between their (and Piers') very different reactions  ...  Pick up Cheryl's interview at 6:25 for the malaria bit.

On a related note:  On behalf of the British people, I would like to apologize to the American people as word has it that Cheryl (Geordie accent and all) is about to "break America".

Get well soon George.

Expats on TV?

What is it about Americans that make us fair game for jokes?  Is it "special relationship" between the US and UK that makes it funny rather than offensive to spread stereotypes about Americans?

I tuned into a new comedy show called The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret and was surprised to find the show is about an American salesman who moves to the UK to sell an American energy drink in the UK.  As you can imagine, it is full of jokes at the expense of the American character not understanding the "British way" of doing things, including him trying to make a reservation for dinner at a neighbourhood pub and making a dick out of himself when he shows up (in typical 1800's England garb) asking for his reserved table.

I tried (I really tried) to not be offended by this show and see the humour in it, but reinforcing the same stereotypes over and over again are not really funny or unique. I realize I am probably not the best audience for this show since the character's experiences (being an expat at least) are a bit too familiar, but if you are going to produce a show like this, I really suggest you come up with a few more "American characteristics" to exploit.

Here's an episode if you have a more forgiving sense of humour than me and want to check it out for yourself.  (you have to watch a bit of advertisement at the beginning)

An Idiot Abroad

If you are ever thinking that its hard being a expat in England, allow me to draw your attention to the hilarious new show An Idiot Abroad where in the first episode, star Karl Pilkinton visited China.  I apologize in advance if this is offensive to any Chinese people or some sterotype being spread by Ricky Gervais and Co., but whilist watching, I was feeling incredibly lucky that I'd "only" moved to England.  I could have fallen for a Chinese man and been encouraged to eat balut (Click link at your own risk. Disturbing photos contained within), chicken feet or scorpions on a stick.  Ew.

Here's a sneak peek at the show:




Although, if one wanted to eat something gross in England, you definitely have some options including the infamous black pudding, which if you aren't familiar with this offering, is not a pudding at all, but a sausage made by cooking blood with meat, vegetables, bread and other fillers and often served with breakfast.  Alternatively, you can go up to Scotland and enjoy haggis, a blend of sheep heart, liver and lungs mixed with oatmeal, onions and other things wrapped in sheep's stomach.

NOTE:  Its probably important to mention that I don't know a single British person who actually enjoys eating these things, so don't go away from this thinking that all  British people eat blood.  They don't.  (cant speak on behalf of the Chinese people though) Also, being a vegetarian (and one who steers clear of eating things that have a high probability of making me puke) I have not tried haggis or black pudding, so cannot offer a valid review of either.